Strong at mind, through and through
Don’t miss out - get on my list and I’ll send you helpful and inspiring ideas to keep well every month.
“When day comes we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade? The loss we carry, a sea we must wade.”
If I asked you to describe how you’re feeling right now and what’s occupying your mind, what would you say?
There are a few things on my mind – I miss my parents, my dog is turning 20 in March and I know her precious time is limited. Oh, not to mention the ongoing impacts being created by the pandemic on our communities. It’s a lot to keep taking in.
I live close to the shores of Lake Ontario and I often go to the beach to check on the swans. Being close to the water and watching those graceful birds is refreshing. But by the time I get home, I remember the state of the world and my mind is consumed by various thoughts once again.
Is it possible that despite everything – the kids at home, the lockdown, curfews, uncertainty, and isolation – we can lengthen mental stillness when it occurs? It’s a question psychological experts and philosophers have been asking for centuries. We have a long year ahead of us as we wait for vaccines so we need to explore the thought now.
Equanimity is a term I want to introduce you to – don’t worry if you’ve never heard of it. At its core, equanimity is an emotional state that allows us to experience our environments without being negatively consumed by them. In other words, living with emotional freedom.
Sounds hard, right?
Like everything else in life, it takes time to develop the skill and I’m trying to work on it every day. With so much happening in our lives, it’s common to slip towards problematic forms of thinking, including having feelings of being flooded, overwhelmed, or depleted. Equanimity isn’t about ignoring the tone of an experience (i.e. difficult, frustrating, or just plain annoying); it’s about having clarity in how you’re going to respond to whatever’s happening to us.
In his mental health podcast, Being Well, clinical psychological Dr. Rick Hanson perfectly summarizes the essence of living in an equanimous state. He likes to define the term as an ability to look at the world with “quiet eyes.” Moreover, “having an unshakable, resilient sense of well-being that’s part of your core because you’ve developed it over time.” We’re able to stand in the middle of everything that’s happening without letting the experience, our thoughts, or other people’s actions infiltrate the mind. Dr. Hanson ponders the question as to whether or not it’s appropriate to have equanimity among challenging circumstances.
You better believe I yelled out “Yes!” as I jogged on my treadmill while listening to his words.
It’s essential.
Our ability to get through our immediate future hinges on inner freedom – a lack of guilt, shame, negative self-talk, worst-case thinking, or anger. In turn, we’re kinder to ourselves and we develop greater capacity to be fully present with those we work and live with.
Where do we start? I like how Dr. Hanson describes the process for creating equanimity:
Understand your mind and your tendencies when something throws you off.
Remember that we implicitly are built as humans with negative bias tendencies. Be concerned about something but avoid becoming demobilized by it.
Grow the good – strengthen all your positive traits like self-motivation, confidence, self-compassion, generosity, and resilience. You’re allowed to have a bad day; it’s about how you reset for tomorrow.
Think about everything that endures – nature, bodies of water, the universe, our dear relationships. Remember that everything is always changing as we ebb and flow, but our commitments to ourselves (and others) are built to last.
So where will you start? For me, I’ll be back at the lake this weekend, watching those swans as they float on by. I know I have the capacity to be still despite all the motion; I just have to dig deep and stay in contact with this mindset even if stuff is hard. And I know you can do it too.
Struggling? There’s hope and help. Search for mental health support in your community using the Canadian Mental Health Association’s search tool.
